The Great El-ahrairah's Election Predictions

Since CBS news can "make up" 1970's era military records, I found these predicitions for this election in my military records. I never knew that military records were so important.

I predict that Bush will win 52.9% of the popular vote and 291 electorial votes. Kerry will win 44.9 % of the popular vote and 247 electorial votes. Nader will win 2.2% of the popular vote. Bush will win Ohio, Florida, New Jersey and Hawaii, but will loose Pennsylvania, Oregon and Wisconsin. Kerry will take the Left, er West Coast and the Eastern seaboard from Maryland north. We will also take all the northern states which border Canada except Alaska, Ohio, North Dakota, Montana and Idaho. Bush will take all the rest and the entire South.

As for the state of Utah, I predict that the Republicans will win everywhere. The Democrats will not win one statewide race. I also predict that the gay marriage amendment to the Utah Constitution will pass by just over 70%. Opponents will however spin this as a loss since they expected it to pass by around 80%.

Osama cries "Uncle"

Just in time for the election "October Surprise", Osama Bin Laden has finally crawled out of whatever hole he was hiding in and has released actual video footage of himself. But, instead of threatening and promising the US and it's allies with "rivers of blood in the streets" and "roasting our infidel stomachs", he has pretty well decided to say "Uncle!" and ask the US to release him from it's headlock. The Belmont Club has a transcript with comments (a very good read) and here is what I think.

The past three years since 9/11 have not been good for old Osama. Before 9/11, he was sitting fat, dumb and happy in Afghanistan with his friends, the Taliban, every once in a while, pulling on the tiger's tail and running away. Unfortunately, he pulled one time too many and had to deal with the tiger's teeth. Since then, he has been running around from place to place, trying to find another home where he could live in peace and start plotting to attack the US again. Bit by bit, the "impenetrable" mountains of Afghanistan/Iran/Pakistan are being overrun by army troops. The local tribesmen that were so easy to buy off before have now switched sides and are either actively working for the US or at least playing neutral. Osama can feel the noose tightening.

So, what does old Osama do? He releases a video just before the US election calling for a "cease fire" (you leave us alone, we'll leave you alone). Some might say that he did this to influence the US election, BUT, you would be wrong. Osama knows that the US will continue pursuing him until they have caught him, so offering to surrender won't make much headway in the US. However, the European allies and the UN have a history of letting dictators go if they sign a piece of paper (remember Hitler) or otherwise "play nice" (Saddam). Osama figures that if he can convince enough of the UN/Europe that he really wants to live in peace, since they have no real stomach for the terrorist war, they will lunge at a chance to "make nice" with Osama. Then they can use their influence in the UN and the UNSC to hamstring the US and allow him to go somewhere else where he can live in relative peace and start to rebuild his terror network. I'd even bet that old Osama has some kind of medical condition that needs attention, so just like Asshole Very Fat, he's hoping that the French or some other European country will offer to fly him to Europe to get some medical treatment.

If anything, this video proves what President Bush has been doing all along; the only way to fight terrorism is to take the fight to the terrorists. Rumsfeld once said in a news conference that terrorists who are busy dodging bombs and bullets and generally trying to stay alive don't have time to plot terrorists attacks on the US. As I said in a previous post, I don't want a president who will make America safer, I want a president who will make the world more DANGEROUS for terrorists. Like we used to say in the USMC, "If you have your enemy by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow". The US has Osama by his "balls". Now is not the time to let go.

On this day in military history....in 1956

On this day in military history....in 1956. Israel invades Egypt, precipitating the Suez Crisis. Before July 1956, the British controlled the Suez Canal. In July 1956, General Gamal Abdel Nasser's forces seized the Suez Canal and nationalized it. The British decided to use force to seize it back, and invited the French and Israelis to join with them. The plan was for the Israelis to attack the Egyptians and then the British/French would show up to "protect" the canal during the fighting. Although the operation was a success from a military standpoint, it was a failure from a strategic/diplomatic standpoint. Due to pressure from the US (and the UN, go figure), the British/French/Israelis withdrew their forces sometime after.

Geek hobbies

This via the MadOgre. The Top Ten Geek Hobbies. Yes, having skirted the fringes of geekdoom, I know that not all geeks are members of the math, chess or computer clubs. Some actually have "lives" outside of school and work. Here is a list of the top ten things that geeks do in their spare time rated on a scale of public humilitation and damage to sex life. I never knew that "scrapbooking", "vampirism" or "furries/plushies" were "hobbies". I always thought of them as "lifestyles".

On this day in military history....in 1415 and others.

On this day in military history....in 1415. Henry V forces' of English archers defeats a vastly stronger French force of knights at the Battle of Agincourt in northern France during the 100 Years War. The French learned that English longbows were more than a match for French knights in armor trying to charge across a muddy field.

On this day in military history....in 1853. Paiute indians attack a transcontinental railroad survey crew under the command of U.S. Army Captain John W. Gunnison near Sevier Lake, Utah, killing Captain Gunnison and seven other soldiers. However, the survey party continued their work and reported their findings to Conogress.

On this day in military history....in 1854. The 13th Light Dragoons (the "Light Brigade") charges into the face of Russian artillery at Bacalava during the Crimean War, inspiring the poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Sometimes, the British can be such idiots.

On this day in military history....in 1944. During the battle of Leyte Gulf, a group of escort carriers, Taffy III, had one of those really bad days. The main Japanese task force, slipped thru the US Navy forces and were trying to attack the invasion beaches where they ran into six escort carriers, three destroyers and four destroyer escorts. These were the only forces between the Japanese task force and the landing beaches, so in the best traditions of the US Navy, the escort carrier's screening ships turned to face the Japanese battleships while the escort carriers hid behind smoke screens. When the Japanese finally turned away, the US had lost one escort carrier, two destroyers and one destroyer escort with many other ships damaged.

On this day in military history....in 1944. The first Kamikaze attack of World War II was launched against the US Navy at the Battle of Leyte Gulf. An escort carrier, the St. Lo, was sunk and other ships damaged.

On this day in military history....in 1983. President Ronald Reagan orders US forces to invade the island of Grenada after the government is overthrown by an anti-US, pro-Castro marxists which appeared to pose a threat to 600 American students and other foreigners.

Why The Great El-ahrairah voted for President Bush

The Great El-ahrairah received his absentee ballot from the Great State of Utah on Friday. I have just completed voting have decided to explain why I voted the way that I did.

For president, I voted for the only man on the ballot who would keep America safe, President George W. Bush. I will admit that President Bush is not perfect and has done some things that I do not agree with, but in the things that matter the most, he stands for the things that I agree with. I would never vote for Senator John Kerry for one simple reason: although he was a decorated Vietnam veteran, this does not excuse what he did after the war. As far as I’m concerned, his actions amount to treason against the United States and he should be punished accordingly. If he had been a Republican, I would still feel the same way.

For the sake of argument, let’s pretend that Senator John Kerry served his country honorably and after the war, was a model citizen. His positions on the things that matter most to me (terrorism, abortion, gay marriage, taxes, etc.) are completely opposite from my beliefs.

National Security. I believe that if John Kerry was elected president, the US foreign policy and national security would be controlled by the UN. We all know who controls US foreign policy and national security with President Bush and it isn’t the French.

Terrorism. I believe that if John Kerry was elected president, terrorism would grow since he does not show that he has the "balls" to go after the terrorists. I do not want a president who will make America safer; I want a president who will make the world more dangerous for terrorists. President George Bush feels the same way that I do, that the only good terrorist is one who has gone to Allah without collecting his 72 virgins.

Iraq. Senator John Kerry has said that Iraq was the "wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time." Back during the first Gulf War, I knew that we would be going back to Iraq someday to take out Saddam Hussein. He was an active supporter of terrorists in the world and he needed to be removed from power, if only for the reason that he was a brutal dictator. President George Bush understood this and I support everything that he has done in Iraq. Senator John Kerry doesn’t and if he had been president, Saddam Hussein would have still been in power and we would be licking the boots of Kofi Annan.

Abortion. John Kerry supports abortion. I think abortion is the murder of an innocent life and so does President George Bush.

Gay Marriage. John Kerry supports gay marriage, I believe gay marriage to be a mockery of the sacred institution of marriage and so does President George Bush.

Taxes. Although he says that he will not raise my taxes, I know that John Kerry is lying and the minute he is president, my taxes will go up. President George Bush knows that my money is better spent by me and not by the government.

Gun Control. John Kerry is a liberal and for all liberals, guns are bad. Ergo, he will do anything that he can to advance gun control in the United States. President George Bush is not afraid of an armed populace.

In short, John Kerry is a liberal and his presidency would be a curse on our nation.

On this day in military history....in 1944

On this day in military history….in 1944. The light aircraft carrier, Princeton, was sunk during the Leyte Gulf invasion of the Philippines. A lone Japanese dive bomber managed to elude the carrier’s combat air patrol and strike the carrier with one 550 lb. bomb. Normally, this would not have caused much in the way of damage, however, just like what happened to the Japanese aircraft carriers during the Battle of Midway island, the bomb struck while the carrier in the midst of fueled and armed airplanes on her deck. The resulting fires and explosions did not completely doom the carrier as it was not until a large store of bombs exploded which blew off part of the stern of the carrier that the Navy finally decided that she was lost. While the fires were raging on board the Princeton, the light cruiser Birmingham pulled up along side to help fight the fires. She was still along side of the Princeton when the bomb store blew up, killing 229 and wounding 420, more than were killed and wounded on the Princeton.

The Great El-ahrairah and Captain Holly’s Sainted Father was on board the Birmingham during World War II. He has told us many times that he was above decks, not having anything special to do at the time, watching the Birmingham fight the fires, like many of the other members of his crew. He saw the fires raging on the deck of the Princeton and how firefighters were spraying water on bombs to keep them cool. Something told him that it would be better that he went below decks instead of watching the crew fight the fires, which he did and which saved his life, since he was below decks when the Princeton blew up. Because of his actions, both the Cap’n and I are here on this earth today. Some may think it was luck, but we prefer to think it was divine providence.

On this day in military history....in 1962

On this day in military history....in 1962. President John F. Kennedy, in a televised speech, announces to the United States that U-2 spyplanes eight days previously had found Soviet missile bases in Cuba. In response, President Kennedy orders the naval quarantine of Cuba, thereby precipitating the Cuban Missile Crisis. The crisis lasted until 28 October when the Soviet Premier, Nikita Khrushchev announced that the Soviet government would dismantle and remove all missiles from Cuba.

The reason that Khrushchev "blinked" was that the US was ready, willing and able to go "nuke" over the missiles in Cuba. However, if the US had a president at that time a bit more like Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush and a little less like Jimmy Carter, there would have been no crisis as the Soviets would know without a doubt what the US response would have been. Since John "The War Hero" Kerry is more in the mold of Jimmy Carter than Ronald Reagan, I can just imagine what "crisises" would develop if, by some stretch of bad luck, he was elected president.

An idiot exercising his right to "free" speech

After a month of protests and letters to the editor, the left's designated village idiot, Michael Moore, finally arrived at Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah. Tagging along for the ride was Utah-native (in name only) Rosanne Barr (not many in Utah are proud of this fact). Reports of his visit can be read here and here, with a report of "protests" here and photos here.

As was expected, he pretty well bashed the President with half-truths and lies. The crowds were very pro-Moore/anti-Bush, but what else would you expect from college students living away from home for the first time in the lives? I call it the "I can think for myself now" syndrome. Most college students, the first time that they are away from home on their own, will go to great lengths to espouse ideas and concepts that are diametrically opposed to their parents. They do this, not because they actually believe in this crap, but just to show themselves (and their parents) that they can. Ergo, a large turn-out for Michael Moore in the heart of conservative Utah.

Because of protests and to give the illusion of "balance", the college had earlier hosted conservative Sean Hannity. I thought that they should have invited the film makers of "FarenHYPE 9/11" to speak after Moore to rebut the obvious lies found in his film, but that would have made too much sense. Trying to cancel the show would have illicted hysterical cries of "Censorship!" from the media (which never screams "Censorship!" when the liberals are trying to suppress a conservative book or film which is critical of John Kerry), therefore, it was a foregone conclusion that Michael Moore would be able to spread his lies in Utah.

If there is a silver lining in all of this, Michael Moore spent a day to come to Utah and try to influence students to vote against Bush. Since Utah is already solidly in the Bush camp, he pretty well wasted his time when he could have been in one of the battleground states, spreading lies, so this looks like conservatives in Utah sacrificing for the greaater good of another four years of President Bush.

On this day in military history....in 1805.

On this day in military history....in 1805. The British fleet, under the command of Admiral Lord Nelson, defeated the combined French and Spanish fleets off the coast of Spain at the Battle of Trafalgar.

On this day in military history....in 1777

On this day in military history....in 1777. The British forces under General John Burgoyne surrendered to the Continental Army of General Horatio Gates at the Battle of Saratoga, north of Albany, New York. After having learned of the victory, the French decided to help the Americans with their revolution against the British and insure that at Yorktown, four years later, the British would be defeated and forced to leave the United States.

On this day in military history (Execution Special)....in 1917 and others

On this day in military history (Execution Special)....in 1917. Well-known fan dancer, courtesan and spy, Mata Hari, was executed by firing squad outside of Paris. Unlike Pepe LePew, she refused a blindfold. It is not known if she refused a last cigarette. After having seen photos of Mata Hari, I have come to the conclusion that her lovers must have been really hard-up.

On this day in military history (Execution Special)....in 1945. Pierre Laval, the puppet leader of Vichy France, was executed by firing squad for treason. He tried to commit suicide before his execution by taking poison, but was nursed back to health so that he could be properly executed. Yeah!

On this day in military history (Execution Special)....in 1946. Nazi Luftwaffe chief, Hermann Goering, commited suicide by taking cyanide to avoid being hung for crimes against humanity. Doctors were unable to save him so that he could be properly executed. Rats!

Two illustrations of the worthlessness of the MSM

Here are two illustrations of just how worthless and out-of-touch the MSM actually is and, of course, they use satire to illustrate the point.

The first is an op-ed piece that Senator Zell Miller wrote in the Washington Times about how the MSM of today would cover the World War II invasion of Iwo Jima. Interesting how the MSM send reporters without a clue to cover major events.

The second is a post that I have seen before about how the MSM would report the D-Day invasion today. I dunno, but could it be only a coincidence that the reporting sounds exactly like what we are hearing from Iraq or am I just dreaming?

"Gunga Dan" Rather and the rest of the MSM should read both of these illustrations to see just how stupid the MSM really is, but, since they don't see themselves other than gods ("I'll tell you what to think!!!"), don't hold your breath.

On this day in military history....in 1066 and others

On this day in military history....in 1066. William of Normandy (later the Conqueror) defeated the Anglo-Saxon forces of King Harald II at the Battle of Hastings in England. Almost three weeks earlier, King Harald had defeated the Vikings at the Battle of Stamford Bridge (close to the town of York). He then marched his army by foot from there to the southern English coast, not far from Dover, to face the Normands. Unfortunately, King Harald's forces were somewhat tired when they faced the Normands, and were defeated. It is said that King Harald was felled by an Normand arrow to the eye. Because of the defeat of King Harald, we have the French to thank for corrupting the pure Anglo-Saxon language with all kinds of "frenchisms". John Kerry is probably celebrating that fact as we speak.

On this day in military history....in 1944. General Erwin "The Desert Fox" Rommel commits suicide by cyanide to avoid a public trial for treason as a co-conspirator in the failed plot to assasinate Hitler.

On this day in military history....in 1947. US Air Force Captain Chuck Yeager becomes the first person to fly faster than the speed of sound when he piloted his Bell X-1 (nicknamed "Glamorous Glennis" for his wife) rocket plane over Rogers Dry Lake (later Edwards Air Force Base) in southern California.

On this day in military history....in 1997. President Bill Clinton, to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Chuck Yeager's breaking the sound barrier, line-item vetos all funding for the SR-71 spy plane, the fastest airplane in the world with a maximum speed of over Mach 3. The reason given was the cost, but the real reason was that no Air Force generals wanted an airplane that was forced on them by Congress. It was also thought that a steathly UAV (Dark Star) could do the same job. Unfortunately, Dark Star crashed during it's second flight (thereby changing it's name to "Dark Spot") and was eventually cancelled. So, thanks to President Clinton, the United States no longer has a reconnaisance platform that can penetrate enemy airspace at will. Since being able to violate an enemy's airspace with impunity is seen as "provocative" and not "sensitive", John Kerry and his allies, the French, would probably approve of President Clinton's actions.

On this day in military history.....in 2000

On this day in military history....in 2000. The USS Cole was attacked by terrorists in Aden, Yemen. A rubber dingy loaded with explosives was blown up against the Cole's hull that blew a 40 by 40 foot hole in the ship. Seventeen sailors lost their lives and 38 others were wounded. President Clinton, deciding to take a stand against terrorism and not having Monica Lewinsky around to "soothe" his feelings, ordered all American ships in the Persian Gulf to leave port and head to open water.

This is the world that John "I have a plan" Kerry wants to return to, i.e., a world where terrorists can kill Americans whenever they want without any response from America. Some Europeans have told me that they would like to vote in the US elections because they want "I have a plan" John to be president. I'm sure that Al-Qaeda is saying the same thing.

On this day in military history.....in 732 and others

On this day in military history....in 732. Charles Martel of France defeats the Moors at the Battle of Tours near Poitiers, France (or if you prefer, the Battle of Poitiers near Tours, France), thus stopping the Muslim advance into Western Europe.

On this day in military history....in 1944. Eight hundred (800) Gypsy children are gassed at Auschwitz death camp in Poland. Before Bosnia and Srebrenica, "enlightened" people thought that "death camps" and "ethnic cleansing" was a thing of the past. Interesting how "the past" has a nasty way of repeating itself.

On this day in military history....in 1985. American F-14 fighters intercept an Egyptian jet airliner flying the hijackers of the passenger cruise ship, the Achille Lauro, to freedom and force it to land at the NATO airbase located at Sigonella, Sicily. However, after the hijackers are taken into Italian custody, Mohammed Abbas and another Palestinian are released (thanks Italy), but later convicted in abstentia. This same Mohammed Abbas was later found to be on Saddam Hussein's payroll when he was captured by US commandos in Iraq in April 2003 during Operation Iraqi Freedom. He later died in March 2004 of "natural causes" while in US custody. And the donks still say that there are no Saddam/terrorist connections.

Marathon Man

This via Michelle Malkin. John "I have a plan" Kerry seems to have run in the Boston Marathon. However, this sounds like it could be another "Christmas in Cambodia" moment since there is no record of him ever having run officially. Maybe he watched the marathon on TV while he ran on his "Boston Marathon" treadmill and Ter-Ray-Sah clapped from the sidelines to give him support ("Keep going, future president of mine").

During the 80's, when I was younger and had more hair, I ran in the Deseret News Marathon. It is held every year during the Days of 47 celebration in July in Utah. The race course started up Parley's Canyon at Dimple Dell Golf Course, ran up and over Little Mountain Pass, down Emigration Canyon, past Hogle Zoo and the This Is The Place Monument, down 13th East past the University of Utah, turned down South Temple to State Street, then down State Street to Liberty Park and the finish. I don't remember my exact times, but they were always over 4 hours. My worst time happened the year that it rained most of the race. I turned in a time that was close to 5 hours. One year, the race organizers allowed all runners to run down the Days of 47 Parade route during the parade, not only those who go there before the start of the parade. So, I when I got to the parade, instead of being directed to a side street, I was told to run thru a gap in the parade spectators where I burst out onto the parade route in the middle of a marching band and had my 15 seconds of fame. But, other than those two incidents, all I remember is the pain in my joints at the end of the race and asking myself if torturing my body for 26 miles and 4+ hours was worth a cheesy T-shirt and free yogurt.

Addition to blog roll

Since I like satire and editorial cartoons are mostly just that, satire, I have added Cox & Forkum to The Great El-ahrairah Blog Roll List. Other than the late Jeff MacNelly, most cartoonists are in the same mold as Ted Rall (and no, I'm not going to link to this piss-poor excuse for an American). I'm sure that you would agree that the world needs more conservative editorial cartoonists to off-set the Ted Ralls of the world.

Good-bye sauerkraut and bratwurst! Hello pomodori and pasta!

As is normal for my line of work, I was informed Wednesday to finally pack my stuff and hit the road for sunnier pastures and oh, by-the-way, be there on Thursday. I had known about this for a month and had already packed everything, BUT I wasn't able to execute The Great El-ahrairah Bug Out Plan #3 until I got the OK. So, now, instead of cursing the weather in the land of sauerkraut, bratwurst and Oktoberfest, I'm now sitting in the sun and loving life in the land of pomodori, pasta and the "boob" tube (where "boob" is understood to mean "breasts").

Until I get myself settled in, I probably won't be posting much other than I heard that War Hero John won the debate according to three polls. Just like the Cap'n said, if they are like anything else done by the "un-biased" new media typified by Dan Rather and the CBS News, they probably conducted the polls at the DNC. I'll withhold my judgement until the report is fact-checked by the blogosphere.

Ciao a tutti!