Sunday, April 15, 2007

Gimme Dat New Age Religion!

Downtown Salt Lake City was the scene of a big religious revival Saturday, with thousands listening to music, singing, chanting, and learning of The Gospel.

The Gospel according to Al Gore, that is.

Yep, over 3,000 adherents of the newest of the New Age religions -- Gaia worship -- gathered in SLC to spread the Good Word. This was held in conjunction with other revivals across the nation. The goal is to preach the Good Word of Climate Change and force (via Congressional fiat) that everyone obeys it. I mean, cutting your carbon emissions by 80% in 43 years is going to take alot of sacrifice (and you damn well better do it, heretic).

But what about all that CO2 that the event itself emitted? I mean, celebrities and rock groups don't walk to these events, you know. And they don't even ride in electric cars, either. All those stretch limos and private jets have big carbon footprints.

Never fear, o ye of little faith. Our public utility, Rocky Mountain Power, stepped in and provided some indulgences in the form of carbon credits to absolve the participants for their frivolous gas-guzzling. I'm not sure how RMP stopped the emission of 11 tons of carbon; I don't remember them shutting down their coal- or gas-fired plants during the event. But they said they did it, and that's enough for those who Truly Believe.

That's the beauty of the indulgence carbon credit system: All it takes is a little donation to the environmentally-friendly charity of your choice, and Gaia will forgive all.

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