Friday, January 13, 2006

Odds and Ends

I've been busy with family stuff lately, and I've missed blogging about some issues. Here's my take on some of what's been happening lately.

Who's advising the Senate Democrats on political strategy? Ken Mehlman? Karl Rove? After listening to the smug pontifications of Chuck Schumer, the paranoid assertions of Teddy Kennedy, and the disjointed ramblings of Joe Biden, I'm convinced the Alito confirmation hearings were a Secret Rovian Plot designed to make the Democrats look idiotic. Only the bluest, most hard-core Democrat could sit through them and think they were being effective. If I were Bill Frist I'd keep these hearings going 24/7 until the November elections. Or at the very least let them filibuster Judge Alito and make sure that the networks cover it live.

And speaking of stupid political strategies, Dirty Harry Reid was in Utah a couple of days ago, touting an "ethics reform" package designed to take advantage of the political fallout from the Abramoff scandal. Trouble is, the Good Minority Leader himself took some $61,000 from Abramoff-affiliated groups. But as befits a bigwig in the party of the Clintons, he justified his keeping the money because he didn't get if from Abramoff directly. Okaaay. Right. That explanation might fly with the DNC lawyers, but to us poor drooling hicks in Flyover Country it sounds rather, uh, Clintonian. If I were more paranoid, I'd say Senator Reid was under the influence of Secret Rovian Mindwaves, because that's an excuse only Karl himself would want the Democrats to use.

While we're on the subject of deluded liberals, they seem to believe that the movie Bareback, er, Brokeback Mountain would be a Titanic-sized blockbuster if it only weren't for those damned Christofascists. This week, Utah Jazz and Jordan Commons Theatre owner Larry H. Miller decided to pull the movie after hearing about the movie's subject, and judging from the reaction one would think he'd just announced the opening of a new detention center for the "re-education" of gay men.

Uber-lefty Tribune film critic Sean Means has repeatedly assured Mr. Miller that he was missing out on an incredible economic opportunity. Why Brokeback earned over $11,000 per screen last week, the most of any movie in Utah! Of course, it's only being shown at three theatres, last week was its Utah premiere, and the total gross for the entire movie so far is only $22 million. Heck, Napoleon Dynamite made twice that much money, at a fraction of the cost. But it was never considered anything more than a "cult classic".

If you really want to talk about blockbusters, The Chronicles of Narnia has earned almost $500 million. What's more, on its' opening weekend Narnia earned a cool $19,000 per screen. But since every good liberal knows Narnia is really part of the Secret Christer Plot to burn homosexuals like fagots and keep wimmin barefoot and pregnant, no self-respecting movie critic discusses it anymore even though it still is one of the top three movies in America some 6 weeks after its premiere.

Considering Utah's demographics, banning the movie was a shrewd move.


At 1:50 AM, Blogger The Great El-ahrairah said...

I guess Brother Reid has been taking lessons from Klinton on how to keep a straight face when telling a blantant lie.

With all the play on words that can be made of the title of the film Brokeback Mountain, it reminds me of Senator Bloviate Kennedy naming his dog Splash.


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