Monday, September 27, 2004

Yet another "sooper sekrit" plan

At a campaign stop in "America's Dairyland" (read: Wisconsin), John "War Protestor" Kerry told his audience of dairy farmers that President Bush has a "sooper sekrit" plan to hurt dairy farmers after the election. Yup, yet another Bush "sooper sekrit" plan along with his plan to call up more National Guard and Reserves after the election (of course!) and restart the draft. Next, he will warn voters about his evil "sooper sekrit" plans to cut Social Security to pay for Haliburton oil contracts, criminalize abortion, enslave minorities and send out John Ashcroft and his "jack-booted thugs" to round up all gays and lesbiens and put them into "re-education" camps.

War Protestor John complains about Republican "dirty tricks" attack ads like Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, but in the same breath talks about Bush's "sooper sekrit" plans for world domination sees nothing wrong with Michael Moore's schlockumentary, Farenheit 9/11. I'm sure as the election gets closer, the Democrat's will "go nuke" and roll out the tried-and-true attack ad of accusing the "heartless" Republicans of wanting to cut Social Security and throw Granny out into the street (Bwahahahaha!). In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't rear it's ugly head during the debates.

"Senator Kerry, can you explain your many positions on the Iraq War?"

"Certainly. Unlike President Bush, who has a "sooper sekrit" plan to cut Social Security and throw Granny on into the street, I don't waffle. In fact, I'm a pancake man, I don't even like waffles. So, as you can see, I have only one position on Iraq."

"Yes, Senator, but can you tell us what that position is?"

"My position is that Iraq is a sandy country located in the Middle East, with large oil reserves. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I was in Vietnam?"

It just wouldn't be an election without the Democrats resorting to the usual lies and innuendo.

One other thing that caught my eye during this campaign stop. Dairy Farmer John spoke about how when as a young boy,

he would fill milk bottles at his uncle's dairy farm. "I have a great sense of the land," Kerry said. "I really do. I'm tired of small family farmers getting squeezed."

I asked myself if this was actually true or just another "Christmas in Cambodia" moment. If it is, I'm sure that the blogosphere will pick up on it and do some fact-checking since Big, Liberal Media doesn't seem to want to.


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